I started drawing this in my visual diary last Thursday, 21st February, after the emotional day I had at work.

A drawing depicting some internal changes in Selina's WorldThursday gave me an opportunity to consider what do I really want to do in my life?  After many years of working in administration I have come to a cross roads in my professional life.  I would LOVE to be a paid Artist, however, I have found the art world to be… a fickle friend to say the least.

And, I don’t know about you, but I need to receive money to allow me to eat, live and continue to be sheltered… so it’s kind of important to me to make money.  I have been very fortunate to have sold some of my art which is such a buzz.  Knowing that someone loved my work and wanted to buy it is a huge compliment and so helpful to keeping me clothed!

So, by day I am an Office Worker, and by night I moonlight as an Artist with a keen interest in how people work, including my own self.  So, this year, I decided to enrol in a distance uni course on behavioural studies with a major in Psychology.  Wish me luck with the stats thing… it’s gonna be a rush for me!

Back to my original topic.  I was contemplating my next life move after Thursday and all these dreams came up for me, including doing something fabulous with my art.  I have a dream to aspire to within me, I just don’t quite know how to make it happen.  So I took pen to paper in my visual diary and this image represents the hope I have for a change of direction over the coming years.

Butterflies are very symbolic for me of transition, changing from an old husk-like worn-out life where I leave the ‘dead’ bits of myself behind.  The circles represent the transformation of ideas within me beginning to surface, the uncomfortable-ness I feel about my personal status quo and the budding excitement within me as I become more comfortable with the unknown life I want to create.  It’s all very Zen really.

In essence Thursday’s confusing, difficult day has served me greatly as I have taken more time to be with myself, draw, create and move through my ‘fuck it all’ attitude to committing to actions to make my life what I want it to be rather than letting other people dictate to me who I should be.

Of course… I still have my F-You ‘tude going on inside me.  It is there just hiding under the surface but now I have hope for a change of direction to fulfil my heart’s desire in the world and that is more important than worrying about what people think of me.

This post might be slightly confusing as I am still working things out in my head and this is kind of  like me thinking out loud where you can listen in. Cool.